Obituary wording: "survived by", "preceded in death by" and "in lieu of flowers"

Survived by: the usual order

List the closest relatives first, then move outward. Most American obituaries use this order:

1. Spouse or partner.
2. Children, oldest to youngest, each with their spouse in parentheses.
3. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren, by name or by number.
4. Parents, if living.
5. Brothers and sisters, with spouses.
6. "Many nieces, nephews, cousins and friends" as a closing line.

The name in parentheses is the child's spouse: "Amy (Brian) Fox" means Amy Fox and her husband Brian. Semicolons separate each group, which keeps a long list readable.

Stepfamilies, partners, exes and pets

• Stepchildren: list them with the other children ("his children, Sara, Ben and Luke") if that is how the family lived, or separately ("and his stepchildren, Ava and Noah").
• "Bonus" family: "her bonus grandchildren, Mia and Jack" is common and warm.
• A partner: "his partner of 18 years, Denise".
• An ex-spouse who stayed close: "the mother of his children, Karen".
• Someone raised as family: "her nephew Tony, whom she raised as her own".
• Pets: families list them more often than you'd think. "...and his faithful dog, Rufus" at the end of the list is fine.

Names or numbers?

Children are almost always named. For grandchildren and great-grandchildren, use names when there are a handful and numbers when there are many ("13 grandchildren and 21 great-grandchildren"). Mixing is fine: name the grandchildren and count the great-grandchildren. If space costs money, numbers are cheaper.

Preceded in death by

This list names close family who died before the person: usually parents, a spouse, siblings and, sadly, sometimes a child.

Variations: "He was predeceased by...", "He joins in heaven his wife, Linda, and...", "He was welcomed home by...". Some families write "the late" before a name in the survivors list instead ("his late wife, Linda").

"In lieu of flowers" wording

"In lieu of" means "instead of". It tells people the family would rather have a gift to a cause than flowers. Name the charity exactly, and add a link or mailing address so people can give easily.

• "In lieu of flowers, the family asks that gifts be made to Hospice of the Valley."
• "Memorial contributions may be made to the American Heart Association."
• "Instead of flowers, please do something kind for a neighbor. Mom would have."
• "Flowers are welcome, or gifts may be made to St. Mary's Food Pantry."
• "The family has set up a scholarship fund at Lincoln High School in her name."
• "In lieu of flowers, please donate blood. He gave more than 20 gallons."

Choose a charity connected to their life: the hospice that cared for them, their church, a cause tied to the illness, or something they loved, like the animal shelter or the library.

Let the form do the wording

On ObituaryUS you enter each relative as a row (relation, name, spouse, living or not, step or bonus), and the "survived by" and "preceded in death by" sentences are written for you in the usual order. Try it with the traditional template.